ESPN, Please Make 'Non-Stop' Stop

For NASCAR fans, the idea of "Non-Stop" broadcasts by ESPN during The Chase appeared to be a heavenly proposition.  Imagine watching a race uninterrupted by commercials.  Sounds almost un-American, doesn't it?

Don't worry.  As the saying goes, "if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is."

On Sunday, ESPN got a chance to apply their new ruse to the race at Dover.

Well, half the race.

The "Non-Stop" coverage didn't start until halfway through the show. 

By the end of the race, real NASCAR fans had to be begging ESPN "Please, make the 'Non-Stop' stop!"

That's because, as usual, the network figured a way to booger up what should have been a real achievement.

Ordinarily, networks place their commercial breaks about eight minutes apart.  That means eight minutes of commercial, followed by three minutes of ads.  And that discounts the reality that a NASCAR race actually includes 59 minutes of ads per hour, since every car is a rolling billboard, every camera angle is sponsored by a product, and every scrap of information is accompanied by another company logo.

During the "Non-Stop" coverage, ESPN splits the screen and shrinks the race action to a small, silent box, while devoting the much larger picture-in-picture and audio to a commercial.  They consider it "non-stop" because the race is technically still on the screen.

However, the truth is that instead of commercials every eight minutes, they are showing the split-screen ads an average of every six minutes.

Now THAT is the American way...pretending they're giving you more while they're actually giving you less.

Also, the heartbreak is that ESPN has a real knack for being in commercial whenever something important happens on the track.  On three different occasions Sunday, the caution came out while ESPN was doing their "Non-Stop" split screen commercials.  Without sound, the viewers had no way of knowing whether there was a crash, debris on the track, rain in the tri-state region, or if Dale Jr. simply needed another "fortuitous" yellow-flag pit stop to fix another sway bar problem.

About the only good thing about this lousy innovation is that it really makes you appreciate ESPN's race announcers.  Since the racing on the small split screen is silent you can't really tell what's going on, especially since the sports network's producers seem to be refugees from MTV, with the camera angle and scene changing every 1.5 seconds like a Madonna video.  The ESPN camera work is always a bit dodgy, and without Darrell Waltrip their commentators are among the worst in the sport.  But after accumulating 21 minutes of silent screen action every hour, race fans would desperately welcome commentary from Elmer Fudd.

All of this is made even more agonizing by the lack of action on the track over the last three races (which, ironically, are the first three races of The Chase, which is supposed to be NASCAR's playoffs). 

For real NASCAR fans, a better alternative would be to forego the televised race altogether and go to NASCAR.com for their animated coverage.  Or, if you want to save three tedious hours, wait until after the race when a legitimate sports writer will summarize the event with 12 paragraphs and a three-minute highlight video.

The only other real salvation for NASCAR fans is the fact that they're only four months away from the start of first-rate TV coverage by Fox Sports and D.W., which begins with Daytona in February.

Until then, you'll just have to suffer through ESPN's coverage, where the only thing uninterrupted is the "non-stop" string of commercials.